What was the most challenging relationship you had?
I fell in love with the most amazing guy I had ever met, we had chemistry and commonality in all the things we loved to do. I thought he was the love of my life, and he was my best friend.
As time went by I noticed both of us changing. Everything had felt like it shifted overnight. It hadn’t, but for me it was a gradual process of unlocking the the truth.
I missed the signs, I missed the red flags. Both in him, and myself.
The ones that told me he was an alcoholic and that began triggering a lot of emotional relapse for me.
I felt like I was living in chaos for years that I tried to control and couldn’t. The more I needed control the more I lost it. I had become so codependent trying to keep the peace and thinking it was my job to fix everything and everyone. I lost myself in the process of trying to do it all, and hide it to everyone on the surface about how dysfunctional my home life was.
He was a god man that suffered from addiction, but I was enabling him and not taking responsibility for my part of our relationship. After all I thought to myself “ he’s the one with the addiction “.
Codependent behaviours are just as much of an addiction. But you lose yourself trying to control others behaviours, reactions and emotions.
This is not a healthy relationship for either person.
So how do you know you are codependent?
If you love someone suffering from the disease of addiction do you:
Track your loved one’s location most of the time?
Look for liquor or beer bottles?
Mark their bottles to see how much they have been drinking?
Text them when you think they are up to no good?
Lecture them when they come home late?
Nag them about chores or responsibilities?
Micromanage their schedule?
Feel anxious if you don’t know where they are or how much they have had to drink?
Get other people to talk them into getting sober?
Research helpful resources about sobriety and send them links or bring up your findings with the intention of convincing them they need help?
Try your best to meet their every need so they won’t drink or use drugs?
Exhaust yourself with the expectation that everything needs to be perfect?
Love them so hard that letting them go seems so unbearable that you hold on even tighter?
End up in a rage because everything you’ve tried isn’t working?
Being in a relationship with someone that was an alcoholic was the hardest part of my life, but it also brought me to the best part of my life.
I had to learn Boundaries, Responsibility to myself , understanding of my own values, and letting go of the ego that wanted to control and enable just to keep the peace.
My own discovery of healing and recovery was transformational. It healed my relationship with my children, my ex-partner and I are friends, and my life is happier than it has ever been.
Sometimes things fall apart so you can have a better more fulfilling life. Take the lessons and grow from it. Create acceptance for what was, and the other person.
Give yourself grace and compassion and know you are not alone. I am here for you.
Codependency is not just about addiction but the need to make others happy and control their actions or decisions.
If this sounds like your life... I want to help you have a better life. You can heal with recovery through discovery.
Join me in a 6 week program of learning tools and understanding of how to recognize and change your behaviors. You will regain your happiness, and be able to set healthy boundaries. You get to take your power back and reclaim your life.
Are you ready to transform your life?
Are you looking to create some boundaries in your life?
Boundaries can be challenging and the ability to shift your perspective or anyone else's even more so. Boundaries are about what is best for you and your life at this moment, with the people you surround yourself with. Boundaries are a way to take care of yourself and your own mental health regularly. We cannot always avoid people that are considered toxic or not good for us, but you can establish a way to not allow them to penetrate your spirit or your mental health.
In understanding how to establish boundaries in your life, certain steps are necessary.
1. Know your values - when you understand your own values and beliefs and hold true to those it is easier to follow through with your Boundaries.
2. Responsibilities of follow through- it’s up to you to draw the line of what you will and won’t tolerate. Every time you give in to something it shows others you lack control.
3. Understand your control- not everything is in your control when you set Boundaries. You can’t control or fix someone else reaction, behaviour or emotions. You are only in control of yourself.
4. Stop Enabling and Micromanaging others- let them learn to figure out life on their terms. Let them fail and figure it out it. If someone is capable of doing it - you are enabling by not allowing them to.
5. Let go of EGO- not everything others do or react with is about you. Stop taking life personal, chances are these people would do the same to someone else. Don’t let your ego rule your emotions.
If you would like to learn more about how to set Boundaries with others, send me a msg for wellness coaching, or the Brave course.
When you learn to set Boundaries with others you free up your life to live on your terms allowing others to take control of their own journey.
Are you ready to change your life and Raise your standards of living? Are you ready to take control of the things that no longer serve you?
Most times in our life we get comfortable and accept where we are in life and never believe we deserve more or ever want to fight for more. what if you could raise your standards by the people you hang around, the places you go, your thought patterns, what you create as priorities vs wants? You have the choice to raise your own standards and create a more fulfilling life.
Here are a 5 questions you need to ask yourself on a real level. Write down your answers for yourself
1. What is the goal I need to achieve ?
2. What pain do I have in my life from not doing it?
3. What pleasure do I have by not doing taking action?
4. What will it cost me if I continue not to take action towards my goal? What will my life look like 1 year, 5 years, 10 years?
5. What will I gain in my life if I took action right now towards my goal?
Like any goal 80% is psychology and 20..% action. It’s time to take your power back from your excuses and go full force after what you really want . Align you mind with your actions and anything is possible!
As a Strategic Intervention Coach that has studied With Robbins-Madanes I have many tools to help shift you from where you are to where you want to be in life.
Candace Grant holds a certificate in Neuro- Linguistic Programming and a certificate from Robbins Madanes Training for Coaching. Candace has had many years of wellness courses and has been on a path of shifting perspectives for the past 6 years. As a massage therapist for 23 years she understands the connection between the body and the mindset.