What was the most challenging relationship you had?
I fell in love with the most amazing guy I had ever met, we had chemistry and commonality in all the things we loved to do. I thought he was the love of my life, and he was my best friend.
As time went by I noticed both of us changing. Everything had felt like it shifted overnight. It hadn’t, but for me it was a gradual process of unlocking the the truth.
I missed the signs, I missed the red flags. Both in him, and myself.
The ones that told me he was an alcoholic and that began triggering a lot of emotional relapse for me.
I felt like I was living in chaos for years that I tried to control and couldn’t. The more I needed control the more I lost it. I had become so codependent trying to keep the peace and thinking it was my job to fix everything and everyone. I lost myself in the process of trying to do it all, and hide it to everyone on the surface about how dysfunctional my home life was.
He was a god man that suffered from addiction, but I was enabling him and not taking responsibility for my part of our relationship. After all I thought to myself “ he’s the one with the addiction “.
Codependent behaviours are just as much of an addiction. But you lose yourself trying to control others behaviours, reactions and emotions.
This is not a healthy relationship for either person.
So how do you know you are codependent?
If you love someone suffering from the disease of addiction do you:
Track your loved one’s location most of the time?
Look for liquor or beer bottles?
Mark their bottles to see how much they have been drinking?
Text them when you think they are up to no good?
Lecture them when they come home late?
Nag them about chores or responsibilities?
Micromanage their schedule?
Feel anxious if you don’t know where they are or how much they have had to drink?
Get other people to talk them into getting sober?
Research helpful resources about sobriety and send them links or bring up your findings with the intention of convincing them they need help?
Try your best to meet their every need so they won’t drink or use drugs?
Exhaust yourself with the expectation that everything needs to be perfect?
Love them so hard that letting them go seems so unbearable that you hold on even tighter?
End up in a rage because everything you’ve tried isn’t working?
Being in a relationship with someone that was an alcoholic was the hardest part of my life, but it also brought me to the best part of my life.
I had to learn Boundaries, Responsibility to myself , understanding of my own values, and letting go of the ego that wanted to control and enable just to keep the peace.
My own discovery of healing and recovery was transformational. It healed my relationship with my children, my ex-partner and I are friends, and my life is happier than it has ever been.
Sometimes things fall apart so you can have a better more fulfilling life. Take the lessons and grow from it. Create acceptance for what was, and the other person.
Give yourself grace and compassion and know you are not alone. I am here for you.
Codependency is not just about addiction but the need to make others happy and control their actions or decisions.
If this sounds like your life... I want to help you have a better life. You can heal with recovery through discovery.
Join me in a 6 week program of learning tools and understanding of how to recognize and change your behaviors. You will regain your happiness, and be able to set healthy boundaries. You get to take your power back and reclaim your life.
Are you ready to transform your life?
Candace Grant holds a certificate in Neuro- Linguistic Programming and a certificate from Robbins Madanes Training for Coaching. Candace has had many years of wellness courses and has been on a path of shifting perspectives for the past 6 years. As a massage therapist for 23 years she understands the connection between the body and the mindset.